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I really can't. [24 Feb 2011|11:10pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

I can't be better. Really.

That's a weird phrase. I don't want to set the bar too low, but honestly, I am feeling really proud of myself lately. And I almost never praise myself for anything. I may receive praise, but I can hardly accept it unless it is genuine and something my weak ego can withstand.

Okay, a few more close friends being... closer... would be ideal, but I know I can't make that happen, so I'm working with what I've got. Utah is beautiful. Our city is crazy. There are some super cool outcasts which are now our friends. All in all, that's not a problem.

I am applying to the Radiography program at our school which is supposedly "one of the best programs in the nation" because our school is "fortunate enough to have all of the latest state-of-the-art" equipment available to us. I'm almost done with my application packet. One huge part was the PSB national standardized health occupations exam. There are a lot of websites where you can pay a lot for a study guide to this exam. I didn't look any further into it and decided I would go pay $40 and take the exam without studying anything at all. The lady at the testing center gave me a weird look when she was printing out my results which made me nervous. But then she said "These are the highest scores I've ever seen on this test." Felt really cool. So I ranked from 91-99th percentile in everything I did. I have no idea how I managed to do that. I was sure I would fail.

Tonight I got an email from a guy in charge of "The Southern Quill" which is a publication that I submitted artwork to a while ago. They accepted everything I submitted and wanted to use one of my paintings for the flyer to advertise the opening reception. Now, they've just e-mailed me today to ask if I would be okay with my painting being the cover. And there is some chatter about making it their "mascot".

Life is a weird thing, but oh man does it feel good to be validated in a new city where you literally knew not one single person; and to have it work out like this. I remember the sticky summer when we moved here... almost too hot to step outside... now I feel nostalgic about it and can't believe we're almost to that point again.

Hopefully I will be accepted into the program of my choice.
Hopefully Joel & I will have an amazing summer of travelling adventure.
Hopefully This is only the beginning of a lot of good things to come.

1 comment|post comment

i guess i enjoy being miserable [03 Mar 2008|01:15am]
but i have a puppy to hug now.
mine is the one on the right named bears.
it's not really mine, it's joel's.
And we're actually both allergic to dogs.

(yeah, and this is the first entry i've actually posted in months.... sorry it's not more worthwhile.)
4 comments|post comment

so yeah [06 Oct 2007|11:15pm]
i went to the Vu for the first time
and i think i'll burn it down
what a horribly pathetic
and degrading place.
the announcer guy says
"just the way i like them...
busty mutes with low self esteem. yeah!"

holy fuck, are you serious?

i'm afraid he was.

that's all.
11 comments|post comment

my mantra is "I just dont care" [03 Oct 2007|04:39pm]
it's this sick game we play
where we hate and we run
and when we can't get away
we reach back together
and we argue
over who is more ill
always claiming ourselves;

a means to mend.

i'm always guilty
in the worst way
because i lack control
which i don't want or need
for the sake of pleasant living
though i'd rather.

we'll keep ourselves locked here forever
if we don't get out soon.
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This is what you get. [15 Sep 2007|12:06am]
i got $30 for nothing.

i had found $60 in the store like a month ago
and no one claimed it, and since i found it
(which i could have just kept it, but i'm too nice)
my boss gave me half and said
"and with the other half we'll have a pizza party!"
to which i replied "ok."
and to muster my excitement he followed that with
"what kind of pizza do you like?"
to which i replied "i'm allergic."

also, it's cold out. i want to carve a pumpkin.
and my cold allergy is back. i didn't think it would be.
but it is.
so i'm going to either be extra bundled up again
or all swollen and blotchy.
i carried cold (not even froze) food around for a while when i went shopping tonight and my fingertips swelled up, and my arm where they were resting broke out in hives. it's amazing.
swollen fingertips kind of feel neat.

i might go visit john tomorrow night.
i haven't seen him since he moved to detroit.
i think he moves into his own apartment tomorrow, too.
i miss him a whole lot.

so, last night...

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

haha. it was pretty fun.
4 comments|post comment

God... if there is a god [27 Aug 2007|05:10pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]

and he does, in fact, care about my hair...

i haven't even properly gone senile.

on the front left side of my head, my hair has all broken off. so it's really short in weird spots. like this:

John says I look like a little kid who found scissors.

but it looks kind of okay if i just comb it over.

oh well.
i'm sure i can pull off bald.

these are the only pictures i got that actually sort of turned out from that party the other night. stupid non-flash-having camera phones.

lol. short shorts.

and nicole looking real hot.

also, i'm pretty much tired of school already.
or maybe just tired. but i think it's both.
4 comments|post comment

a few more drinks and i could have messed up real good (meaning... bad) [26 Aug 2007|02:22am]
my hair is falling out.

only on the left side though.
in the front.
honestly, i kind of like it
and wish i was brave enough
to just cut my hair that short.
okay, i should clarify, it's not actually falling out so much as it is breaking off. but in any case it's really short in spots. it's weird.
i've bleached and dyed my hair so much over the last like 10 years that it's strange for my hair to have picked *now* as being a good time to fall out.
no kidding 10 years.
i know i'm not that old
but when i was in third grade i really wanted to be a redhead.
so badly that my mom gave in and bought me some hair dye for christmas.
it was one of my favorite presents ever.
why am i telling this story?
i guess because i just remembered it and thought it was pretty incredible.
that's all.

i'm going to go watch Thirteen now.
I have to get up early to get my books tomorrow...
and then close again at work. which isn't too bad.
it's weird that i'll be the manager on duty sometimes now.
i've only been there a couple months. but that's sweet.
i own that bitchhhhh.

4 comments|post comment

lololol [13 Aug 2007|06:54pm]
[ mood | angry ]

take my pictures
off your myspace
delete me,
i'm serious.
you're fucking dead
to me.

it's difficult to play nice
when you make me so bitter.

6 comments|post comment

[13 Aug 2007|12:13am]
everything is over.
for real this time.
never without regrets..

i do feel sick
when i let myself think about it.
9 comments|post comment

new guitar. [12 Aug 2007|07:34pm]

it's worth blogging about.

thanks noey for helping me find one / changing the strings / adjusting it / lunch.


now i have about 5 papers to write and a couple of exams to take.
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[31 Jul 2007|11:00am]
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
1 comment|post comment

[30 Jul 2007|01:16am]
Just like it's pointless to have this LJ

it's also very pointless to delete it.

i dunno
i dunno
i dunno
6 comments|post comment

[25 Jul 2007|01:50am]
i dont want to do anything anymore.
3 comments|post comment

and then... there was a bum fight. [21 Jul 2007|03:39am]
hobo/shobo party

this decor, alone, could make a person sickkk.
4 comments|post comment

a few of my favorite things. [17 Jul 2007|05:24pm]

4 comments|post comment

[16 Jul 2007|04:49pm]
okay, so the weekend in chicago wasn't quite what i had anticipated (though i tried hard not to) but it definately could have been worse. there were a few too many uncomfortable situations, but also a lot of good things.

i dont know.

i guess it all balances out and
i'm definately still glad we went.
3 comments|post comment

love's lives. [11 Jul 2007|06:37am]
[ mood | okay ]

i woke up at 5:30am this morning.
that's what you get when you fall asleep at 8.
and so, instead of eating ice cream and watching cartoons
or smoking on the balcony or something...
i decided to go jogging while enjoying
some velvet acid christ
and now i'm updating my lj.
i might go back to bed though.
there's not much to do at 6:38am.

5 comments|post comment

[10 Jul 2007|01:53am]
[ mood | chipper ]

i'm looking forward to this week immensely.
i don't work a single day... so i have lots of time to do things!
hopefully i actually will for once, but not spend a ton
cuz i need to save for the weekend
cuz thursday night
are going to drive to chicago
and do lots of cool stuffs.

i can't wait to see people i haven't seen in a few months
and spend quality time with friends.
steven is basically probably going to do his own thing
because he has important people to see and stay with and stuff.
but the rests of us is gonna have a billion adventures.
i think it's best though
if i don't plan much or look forward to it too hard
cuz generally when i do fun stuff without a lot of planning,
it usually turns out well. better than anticipated...
because i wasn't anticipating much.


i'mma try my best.

but good god am i looking forward to it...

2 comments|post comment

useless.useless. [09 Jul 2007|03:25pm]
[ mood | blank ]

i got an A- in the psych class i took last semester.
i didn't think i did quite that well, so i'm very happy.

i also slept in real late today. like 3 pm.
but we were up pretty late too.

i'm no longer hung over.
this is a good thing.

steven spent the night here
and that was awesome. finally.
but nothing really neat was going on
so i felt like a lame host. *sigh*

everything else is "ok"
confusing. but okay.
i think...


4 comments|post comment

[08 Jul 2007|04:30am]
drunken ljs no good.

but what can you do?
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